As the year has begun, I am learning all of the wonderful behaviors that make each of my students unique. One student that creates a struggle in my mind every day is a little girl in my room who is as bossy as they come. I am so intrigued by her behavior and what causes her to be bossy it has lead me to blog about it.
I have tried everything I know to limit her bossiness. I have discussed the issue with parents. They too see the behavior at home. I have tried complementing her for good behavior. I have tried punishing her for bossy behaviors. I have tried setting goals with her and giving her strategies in order to learn not to be bossy. I have also gotten a counselor and the principal involved. This has brought me to the Internet. I found a great article/lesson plan to teach my students how to deal with bossy students which in turn will help her realize her behavior. It will also help my students deal with bullies outside the classroom.
This makes me ponder...what creates a bossy child? Is this something they learn from home? Is it something they learn from trial and error? Or is it something they have seen on the playground and think they will give it a try? I also wonder what has happened to the respect that I once gave my teachers. If I was ever told to sit out in the hall because my teacher and I "had to talk", I knew my behavior needed to be changed, fast. What is leading to the lack of respect children seem to have?
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Jenna--Your student is lucky to have a teacher so determined to help her develop positive social skills! As the parent of a very timid child, I am sometimes envious of the more outgoing children able to "get what they want" (in a good way) by being able to express themselves often times without considering that the very extreme opposite of my child can also be a negative trait!
ReplyDeleteI think you pose an interesting question though...what is leading to what seems to be a decrease in respect for adults and others? Or is it the installation on these children that they are more important than counterparts that has made them more self-centered or internal versus external people?
I was a bossy child myself (In fact I still have that natural tendency to want to be in control of all situations). I do not think it was something that I learned, I think it is just who I am. However, I learned right away that children DO NOT boss around adults. My parents did a wonderful job at teaching me to respect adults. This did not stop me from bossing my friends around. I would get 3s (which is very bad) in respecting my classmates on my report card. It was not until about 5th or 6th grade when my friends stopped being my friends because of how I was treating them. That is when the 'light' came on and I made a choice to listen to others ideas and try to be kinder. So I guess there is no easy fix but hopefully as your student matures, she too will come to the realization that bossing friends leads to no friends.
ReplyDeleteWhat a valuable piece of info you gave with your link to the article/lesson plan. I am not currently in the class room, but I AM defintely saving it for when I return to the class room. What sort of scares me is the age we are talking about. I would assume a much older spectrum. The fact that it is so young - K-2 is almost disarming. I can relate though. I have faced many students (usually girls) through the years that seem to be headed down the bossy path. If it is not dealt with it is only going to intensify in the future. I also have a thought in the back of my mind that quite possibly my own daughter (age 4) could be the "bossy one" in school. I will most definitely keep your article close at hand when I feel I need to deal with these behaviors with her.
ReplyDeleteAre there more pressing behavioral issues we as teachers need to deal with? Yes, of course, but I think with proper intervention it can help a child out and save them from a lonely life because they have bossed all their friends away.
Thanks so much for a great eye-opener!
While I didn't have time to completely read through the .pdf you linked, I did see a lot of role playing for kids to recognize bullying and how they should approach and deal with these types of students using non-confrontational methods. I also noticed that there was a great list of readings for teachers and parents on recognizing the behavior in the early stages and how to nip it in the but early. This is definitely a valuable piece of information to utilize with your bossy student!
ReplyDeleteI do not have kids and have only worked with kids as young as k-2 for a couple of years so my experience is limited to say the least. What I have noticed in my experience is that females are usually more bossy toward other females and this typically has to do with the students creating a sort of class hierarchy. Rarely have I seen such behavior turn into bullying type situations but rather just become sorting mechanisms. In your situation it sounds like you are dealing with an exceptionally bossy young lady and my advice for you would to talk with your school/district psychologist about how to best approach correcting the behavior. I would venture to guess that they are going to recommend a parent meeting because behavior modification is not realistic without the school and home being on the same page. This situation brings up an argument however: at what point are we teachers and what point are we counselors? We are qualified to teach but are we really qualified to handle extreme behavioral situations?
cheers,
ct
Jenna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for finding this because I have the same problem in one of my eighth grade classes. I have a child that no matter what i do or say continues to boss other students around. I commend you on being so caring and finding a way to help your students. So often we focus on dealing with the problem that we forget the that there are other students involved. I have no clue what makes the girl in my class act the way she does, but I do know she is the only girl out of six children. Thank you again.
Blaire
Jenna, I really liked your blog and the lesson plan you found. I had the exact same child you have last year. She was very rude and bossy to all her peers and adults! I couldn't beleive her sometimes. I tried many things as well and never figured it out. I even showed her one times what she looked like and sounded like when she was bossy and ten minutes later she was still rolling her eyes at what people said. I honestly think she had been doing it her whole life and didn't know when she was doing it or why it was wrong. I would have loved to have tried the lessons you found and I think I still will use parts of it with all my classes. We have so many social problems especially on the playground so thanks for digging around and finding that. As far as where does this behavior come from,I think it has to either be learned from home or the child see it from older students or my favorite, the TV. I have seen some of the Disney and Nickeloden tween shows and the way the characeters talk to each other or adules is very sarcastic and unless a child can figure that out they are likely to repeat that. I also think students get away with more misbehavior at home and school these days. I don't want to sound like my grandparents but when I was a kid we just didn't do that. I remember being on my best behavior for all my teachers and only remember one or two "trouble students" in my class. I could easily be wrong but it does seem like our kids are changing. Great blog and good luck with your student!
ReplyDeleteOne of the most frustrating changes I have seen in my years of teaching is the lack of respect students have for teachers and themselves. When I first starting teaching, almost all students showed respect for their elders. It was instilled in all of us growing up. It seems that many of our children today are not growing up with that same respect. So many are growing up in broken homes, where the lack of two positive influences in their lives contributes to this. We also have so many latch key kids that spend much of their years growing up on their own, no parents around to help them develop the positive traits. I also have to blame tv, professional athletes, and celebrities of all types. Children are growing up with so many more negative role models than they are growing up with positive ones. It is hard to understand the importance of respect when so many of the people they look up to think only of themselves.
ReplyDeleteWe can't save them all, but I admire your efforts to find the cause of this girl's problem. If you are able to reach her, that will be one more student we see at the high school who will be respectful of the people around her. Good Luck!
Students are so unique, even if that is a bad thing. I have a 6th grader who is almost exactly like the girl you describe. She comes into class, says my class is boring, does not do her work, tries to tell me what to do, and so on and so forth. I asked her away from the group one day what her home life was like and I found out very quickly that she is with her grandparents and she is able to do whatever she pleases. She comes to school thinking she can do just what she does at home because of a lack of parenting. I quickly lay down the law to her every time she begins to wander off the straight and narrow and it generally works. Being persistent and consistent in your actions and words towards a difficult student can affect them for the rest of their lives. Try it, it works!
ReplyDelete